14> Raided TopFive.com for planning the publication of a detailed list of recent Secret Service busts.13> Arrested 194 people last year for trying to board domestic flights with sharp tongues and pointed criticism.12> Converged on the Pennsylvania Avenue Deli after someone entered and announced, I have come with my order for the liter of hummus!11> Detained a white, Midwestern-bred New York City cab driver -- just because.10> Arrested 50.01 percent of the voters for dreaming of a day when George W. Bush isn't president.9> Courtney Love arrested for coming within 500 miles of the president because, let's face it, that chick's just kooky.8> Confiscated millions of portable music players after JohnAshcroft overhears his kid exclaiming, iPods are da bomb.7> Detained and interrogated every NFL team scheduled to oppose the Patriots this fall.6> Questioned Ozzy Osbourne on suspicion that his unintelligible blather was actually relaying al Qaeda-specific code.5> Detained 84-year-old Winnie Mae Davis at LaGuardia when her monogrammed knitting bag raised the suspicions of an alert security guard.4> Motorcycle stunt fans across the nation were rounded up after a Google search revealed an underground Web ring of subscribers to an Axis of Evel Knievel.3> A small band of first-graders was detained for questioning after agents overheard a destructive plot directed at London bridges.2> False alarm: It was just the Bush twins in the East Room playing Spin the Iraqi Prisoner again.1> After years of undermining the current administration, Martin Sheen and his shadow government were finally taken down. [ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 2004 by Chris White ]